Alex Fraioli: Difference between revisions

Al Fraioli was born at age 3, with a hammer in his hand, which he immediately used to kill a bear. &nbsp;That combined with the immense ripping caused by birthing a hammer-equipped young boy made him an orphan very quickly. &nbsp;To survive he ate nails for breakfast and gargled with molten lava. &nbsp;He hammered down a cherry tree and defended himself in court, which is how he became a country lawyer. &nbsp;He used the wood from the tree to build a raft, which he used to bring his friend Frederick Douglas to the free North: the North Pole. &nbsp;Being lonesome, after many years they forgot themselves and married. &nbsp;All their children became slave labor. &nbsp;At the end of each year Alex would take the fruits of their labor, lasso a tornado, and give all the toys to the US Republicans. &nbsp;Since he had no toys to give to the poor, he would instead give free wind shows to trailer parks. &nbsp;Due to global warming, eventually his North Pole home was no more. &nbsp;He began wandering the land planting apple trees everywhere he went. &nbsp;This is how he got his famed &quot;Alex Guywhodropsrottingapplesonmylawn&quot; nickname. &nbsp;One day one of the apples fell on his head. &nbsp;&quot;Eureka!&quot; he exclaimed, and ran naked through the streets. &nbsp;He realized his true destiny now, and rode to the Alamo, building the train tracks as he went. &nbsp;He picked up the Alamo (including the basement), put it into the Gulf, and floated it to Normandy, where he and the Texans liberated France. &nbsp;While admiring a painting, he was shot in the back. &nbsp;The bullet bounced and killed the would-be assassin: Archduke Franz Ferdinand. &nbsp;And now you know the story of how he got the name Toaster Thief.</pre>