Short Movie Reviews 2006-2010

January 6, 2006, early AM

The I Inside

Sort of a... weirdass mystery with a Slaughterhourse-Five wrapping.  Keeps you guessing.

January 13, 2006, early AM

Laputa: The Castle in the Sky

Wow.  Action, adventure, comedy, mystery, ancient civilizations, beautiful scenery... the kind of movie I wish I'd seen as a kid, but is still great as a full-grown kid.

January 24, 2006, early AM

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Mad Max and the cargo cult kids screw up an already screwed-up place even more.  An interesting story for the world the first two films established.

February 4, 2006

Primary Colors

This fictional take on Clinton can't decide whether it's a comedy with a message or a light drama.

February 10, 2006, early AM

River City Rumble

Sure, most of the acting, action, and humor is lousy.  As a huge fan of the game, though, I'm still glad this exists.  Might be awesome if edited down to about a fourth of its length.

February 12, 2006, early AM

The 40 Year Old Virgin

I sympathized with the main character; he was like me with a better job and more stuff.  Carell is so likeable, and the best thing about this movie.

February 12, 2005

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Does an admirable job setting the proper tone, but so much area was covered so quickly that it all felt rushed and didn't get a proper chance to sink in.

April 10, 2006, early AM

Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa

So awesome.  Though details would spoil, it's amazing how it builds from the series, yet is also extremely unique.  Serves as a capper... while also leaving new things open.

May 26, 2006

A Mighty Wind

Pleasantly charming semi-documentary style comedy about a quickly arranged concert featuring some old 60s folk musical acts.  Spinal Tap guys as "The Folksmen" is groovy.

May 27, 2006, early AM

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Story continuation is a contrived disappointment.  It's just an excuse, though, to revisit familiar characters and places with beautiful new CG animation, which is fun for fans.  100% flashy.

May 27, 2006

X2: X-Men United

Shifting alliances among mutants, mutant supremacists, and mutant haters.  A few underused characters, but the movie flowed very well from point to point, staying interesting and action-packed.

May 28, 2006

X-Men: The Last Stand

Doesn't flow as well as X2, but still provided a fun combination of action and ethical questions.  Could've been an interesting conclusion if they didn't leave it open.

May 29, 2006, early AM

Blade Runner

In a visually dense future-of-the-80s, an android exterminator is confronted by philosophical issues.  Not sure I get the massive love for this movie.

June 1, 2006

Home Alone 3

Home alone... due to chicken pox and working parents.  Adequately delivers on the promise of a precocious kid stopping bad guys through sabotage and trickery.

June 21-ish, 2006

Fat Albert

Totally safe movie of fictional characters becoming real to boost a girl's confidence.  Would've cared more if I'd been more familiar with the old characters.

July 1, 2006

Superman

Backstory is done well, as are Reeve's dual roles.  However, Superman is a boringly powerful superhero, removing any tension from the superheroic bits.

July 15, 2006

Thirteen Days

Nation's touchy top dogs tap dance around with fake-ass accents trying to push the Soviet Union around, but not in such a way that they respond with a nuclear hug.

July 23, 2006, early AM

Total Recall

Interesting sci-fi world and take on questioning reality.  Cool movie, but what the shit with the ultraviolence?

August 7, 2006

Queen of the Amazons

Movie quest for a missing man gives the intrigue of people talking in front of buildings and the excitement of two continents worth of stock footage to show what they're looking at.  Dead dull.

August 26, 2006, early AM

Road House

Philosopher bouncer cleans up shitty bar and town.  Go in expecting total cheese, and you will be rewarded.  This movie enjoys its R rating.

(The day I got my speakers.  Self, find out and fix this later.)

The Wiz

70s urban Oz is an interesting premise, and the cast clearly has talent, but the individual songs (and between bits) are hit-and-miss, and it drags on.

November 23, 2006

Cars

Doc Hollywood with an engine.  Meticulously crafted, but "Hotshot learns what's REALLY important from his friends." breaks no molds.  I wished something would happen to spice things up.

March 2, 2007

Mickey Blue Eyes

Auctioneer mixes with future mob in-laws.  "Comedy" that puts the protagonist in increasingly awful situations so he squirms.  Painful to watch, even if the guy getting shit on is Hugh Grant.

March 6 & March 7, 2007, both early AM

Karas: The Prophecy

Demons kill humans, so a doctor must turn CG to fight them, while X-Files-ish cops are confused... and I'm even more confused.  No resolution... what the hell was going on?

May 4 & May 5, 2007

Spider-Man 2

No origin tale, but Peter's real-world problems kept things interesting and me rooting for him.  Otto's mechanical arms had a silly, too-short explanation for existing.  Very entertaining.

August 18, 2007

Batman Begins

Unless you're looking for camp, this is pretty easily the best live-action Batman by a significant amount.  It makes a billionaire vigilante with wonderful toys seem almost plausible.

October 7, 2007

Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story

This mockumentary keeps the burner at such a low temperature that it never really reaches a boil.  Riggle owns his manic role, though.

January 9, 2008

Catwoman

Half-black, half-white, half-cat, half-CG, half-naked, half-baked.  Also Sharon Stone as herself.

January 14, 2008

Armed and Dangerous

Competent 80s comedy.  John Candy and Eugene Levy play their usual characters, this time in the form of an ex-cop and ex-lawyer turned security guards.

January 25, 2008

The Game Plan

Pro football player belatedly learns he's a father; predictable hilarity ensues.  I must admit I was surprised at how decent Dwayne Johnson is as a comic actor.

January 30, 2008

Lion of Oz

Me-too Oz movie, but at least this one is based on a legitimate me-too Oz book from a legitimate me-too Baum.  Gives the Cowardly Lion enough backstory to make him seem stupider.

February 12, 2008

Minutemen

A group of dweebs use time travel to form a sort of BTTF-meets-Ghostbusters group that retroactively prevents embarrassment.  Decent Disney Channel fare.

February 14, 2008

Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero

It's like Batman & Robin but not ridiculously silly.  Freeze comes across as a man pushed beyond his limits rather than a pun-tossing popsicle.

February 18, 2008

Baby's Day Out

Home Alone minus about 9 years.  John Hughes must really hate criminals' testicles.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Interesting for seeing Seuss-inspired designs in live action, but otherwise superfluous.  A love interest for the Grinch, seriously?

March 13, 2008

Stargate: The Ark of Truth

Decent rush conclusion to seasons 9 & 10 that manages to feel bigger in scope than a double-length episode slapped on disc.

April 5, 2008

Muppets From Space

Ironically more down-to-earth and locally-based than the far-off travels of previous outings.  More 70s music than 70s Muppet movies.

April 7, 2008

Shenmue: The Movie

Shenmue, as it's always been seen before!  More a mess of chopped cutscenes than a movie, it works as a reminder leading up to Shenmue II, but not as a standalone experience.  A dull watch.

April 18, 2008

Motocrossed

Turns out the world of motocross is so insanely misogynistic that a girl must disguise herself as her brother to not be relentlessly mocked and physically targted.  Also to meet guys.  Meh.

April 21, 2008

Joy Ride

Prank goes bad, makes random trucker even more dangerous than usual.  Full of unhappy thrills and Paul Walker trying to sound like a woman.

April 22, 2008

Conan the Barbarian

Interesting if graphic tale of the death and sex dealt by mute child turned mute slave turned heavily-accented barbarian.  James Earl Jones was nearly a goa'uld.  Also pre-Zelda music.

April 29, 2008

Conan the Destroyer

The continuing adventures of Conan, now PG rated so less bloody and sexful.  This time Conan is easier to dupe and chased by jailbait.

May 4, 2008

Rocky

A jokester realizes his life is shit; attempts to remedy that by chasing a mute and beating the shit out of dead cows.

Rocky II

An emasculated champ needs to prove himself, and makes Rocky feel the same way.  Rematch/sequel/rehash ensues.

May 4 & 5, 2008

Rocky III

Pampered, softened ex-champs team up to take on the evil prototype of Mr. T.

May 5, 2008

Rocky IV

Creed's hubris takes him out.  Rocky misaims his vengeance on the Russian athletoscientific community, and succeeds.

Rocky V

A post-money, post-brain damage Rocky's attempt to carry on in old sets and clothes comes back to bite him in the brain.  Also his kid must've taken HGH between movies.

May 7, 2008

Rocky Balboa

Aged restaurateur Rocky feels unfulfilled, and decides to move forward by... doing what he did thirty years ago to re-prove himself.

May 22, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Harrison is a bit busted, and it's quite possibly the least awesome Indy yet... leaving it still among the most awesome films of the last few decades.  A 30s/50s/80s/2000s family adventure.

June 27, 2008

Get Smart

Avoids imitating the old, but taking the general ideas and using them as a vehicle for the modern stars; generally successfully.  More actiony than I expected.

July 1, 2008

Raw

A young, foul-mouthed, purple Eddie Murphy talks primarily about relationships.  I've heard better.

July 20, 2008

Gone in Sixty Seconds

Ex car thief must car thief again to save his bro, the car thief who messed up.  Too many characters, too many cars, too little of me giving a shit about any of them.  Also asshole Eccleston.

July 31, 2008

Stargate Continuum

Stargate has done time travel/alternate reality before, but this big canvass version is pretty awesome, too.  Really brings back the days of low tech and astounding odds.

August 15, 2008

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Tries to be both kid-friendlier, yet show more interstellar war.  Story isn't much, but the action is more Episode II than Ewok Adventure, and convinces me it can work as a series.

August 17, 2008

Fever Pitch

Unobjectionable romantic comedy, with the main tension coming from the conflict between love of woman and love/obsession over an organization.

September 20, 2008

Saved!

A comedy that's willing to put the blame for people's troubles where it belongs: organized religion.

September 28, 2008

Slacker Uprising

Edited like a film, but is mostly clips from Moore's late 2004 tour.  So it's both old news and depressing with the foreknowledge of electoral failure.

October 20, 2008

The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning

Generic teen sex comedy using vague versions of Dukes characters.  Eww.

December 9, 2008

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D

The plot goings-on are pretty ridiculous, but it's mostly an excuse to show impossibly weird landscapes in 3D, which is a gimmick I can support.

Diary of the Dead

A return to pre-Land shock and defense, which is my favorite thing about zombie movies.  This spans locations, but not in a high-tech tank this time.  Real message: The truth is out there.

December 15, 2008

The Man Who Saved Christmas

Meh.  The idealized toymaker who agreed to cancel Christmas then changed his mind when he realized that idea sucked.

December 16, 2008

The Host

Monster movie with modern production values turns into... a family's fight against the system?  Weird and well-made.

December 22, 2008

My Santa, My Dad

One might need to go decades back to find a Christmas movie with worse acting and lower production values.

December 23, 2008

First Blood

Spark of a prick cop ignites the tinderbox of a troubled ex-Green Beret.  Nobody stops, so things escalate.  How did a movie like this become a franchise rather than a one-off?

Rambo: First Blood Part II

So they got a sequel by erasing the consequences and (too bad) turning him into a more generic action hero with hundreds of disposable, foreign, obvious "bad guys" he can freely kill.

December 28, 2008

Rambo III

It's like the second movie again, but this time with sand.

December 29, 2008

Batman: Gotham Knight

Not a complete story, but these six well-made shorts show us Batman at different angles through different lenses.

January 13, 2009

Napoleon Dynamite

It's like the whole world's awkwardness has been compacted into a small cast.  On top of this foundation, nothing much happens.

January 14, 2009

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

At slow points it might approach half the original, but when zombies start acting like professional gymnasts it gets five times as dumb.

March 2, 2009

The Thrill of It All

Doctor hates that his wife is no longer a stay-at-home mom, but a successful commercial spokesperson.  Hijinks and pissiness ensue.

March 28, 2009

Streets of Fire

A night in... under-the-pizza 1950s with 80s music?  Feels shorter than it is: little introduction, action scene, escape sequence, action scene, little conclusion.

May 4, 2009

Jailhouse Rock

Elvis Elvises it up in a movie that exists solely to show Elvis portraying a pseudo-Elvis who becomes rich and famous by singing, dancing, and looking like Elvis.

May 7, 2009

Star Trek (2009)

This movie plays loose with the Trek rules in ways that even time travel can't explain, but get past that and there's a pretty great space action movie in here.  Not enough Bones, though.

May 23, 2009

Terminator Salvation

A sometimes wooden vision of the future that manages to surprise with more than what we already knew to expect.  It's no T1 or T2, but at least it's not trying to be.

June 16, 2009

Futurama: Bender's Big Score

Not quite as punchy as a regular episode, seems to screw with the ficional history, and is sometimes predictable... but it's still more Futurama.

July 9, 2009

Hobgoblins 2

A bad movie because it's really bad?  Or good because it's trying to be bad and succeeds?  More of the former, though some of the hobgoblin wrestling and references to the first are fun.

August 1, 2009

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs

A much sillier Futurama that I think better captures the feel of the series.

August 3, 2009

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Here the length really starts to catch up with the filmmakers, though the key elements are in place.  Here's where the series really takes a turn for the dark.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

It's a race to the finish as the longest book in the series becomes the shortest movie.  The set pieces are there, but few things get enough time to stew to the proper taste.

August 8, 2009

A Dog's Breakfast

Interesting to see familiar Stargate actors in something very different.  Sitcom production values.  Goes back and forth from comedy to unsettling.

August 22, 2009

District 9

A man and a people are forced into very harsh situations out of their control.  A pretty good alien flick that doesn't go normal routes, though it still manages to fit in plenty of explosions.

August 30, 2009

Idiocracy

A bleakly stupid twist on the frozen-too-long concept that builds a surprisingly densely detailed world.

September 24, 2009

Blood Theatre

No-budget movie with silly deaths meanders about until eventually enough people are dead for the credits to roll.  Dig the Casio soundtrack, though.

October 2, 2009

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Goes more for the cheap thrills than I prefer, but this horror flick has a great sense of nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

October 5, 2009

Primer

Low-budget sci-fi done right, with a concept that doesn't require fancy effects or locations.  A bit hard to follow, but it's not dealing with simple matters.

October 9, 2009

Visitants

Still cheap and hokey like you'd expect from Rick Sloane, but this time the intentional laughs work pretty well, too.

October 30, 2009

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan

Pretty damn good.  Not a clip show like I feared, with 90+% of the footage being new.  Doesn't stand alone from the series, but stands very well alongside it, presenting a different viewpoint.

November 13, 2009

Vanishing Point

Everybody loves that a Mike Brady lookalike is leading the cops on a chase, but he just wants speed and speed.

December 18, 2009

Avatar

The plot is nothing new and the parallels with Earth history are quite heavy-handed.  This movie is really all about EPIC SPECTACLE OF ALIEN WORLD, though, and pulls that off pretty well.

January 11, 2010

Zombie Honeymoon

Interesting idea, but doesn't quite click.  Tries to be a bit silly, a bit serious, a bit romantic, but succeeds on none.  Does do a bit of unsettling, though.

January 30, 2010

Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel

Great fun and very internally consistent comedy about bathroom-based time travel.

February 27, 2010

Planet of the Apes (2001)

A much more straightforward action-rebellion movie than the original.  But may I say the makeup work is outstanding.

March 7, 2010

Team America: World Police

Puppets doing things you've never seen puppets do before!  Crazy songs!  Important metaphors!  Highly entertaining.

March 13, 2010

Capitalism: A Love Story

Sometimes the connections seem a bit scattershot, but Moore presents a lot of interesting micro and macro stories, as ever edited in an entertaining way.

April 12, 2010

Gattaca

Pretty heavy-handed tale about genetic discrimination.  Too heavy-handed, I think, but still interesting.

April 13, 2010

Hudson Hawk

Thief repeatedly gets played.  This movie doesn't make much sense.  It tries to be kooky, but with only a C effort it doesn't work.  Meh.

April 29, 2010

Futurama: Bender's Game

The silliest and most episode-like Futurama movie yet, though the disconnect between the two halves by different writers is pretty obvious.

May 12, 2010

The Omega Man

I enjoy a good loner apocalypse, but the culty plague victims were just too ridiculous an opposition.

May 14, 2010

28 Weeks Later

Starts out interesting with reconstruction going on, but ends up turning into more crazy running non-zombies.

May 16, 2010

The Dark Knight

Pretty gripping and a spectacle.  Continues to make crazy Batman characters seem halfway plausible, though some technology appears to be magic.

May 17, 2010

Rambo

There may be movies with more kills, but I don't know about more giblets; this film is pretty brutal.  Seems short, but at least it doesn't overstay its welcome.

May 24, 2010

Cloverfield

Monstrous goings-on in the big city is a great topic for the joe-with-camera filming gimmick.

May 29, 2010

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder

Solid if not spectacular fourth Futurama movie entry.  This is definitely the Wong movie.

June 11, 2010

The A-Team

Action and ridiculousness certainly ramped up with the budget over the TV show.  They got the characters pretty right, though, so it's recognizable.  Good fun.

June 13, 2010

Moon

Pretty nice.  Feels like an old hard sci-fi novel brought to life.  Loner on the moon deals with a weird situation that would be spoilery to get into.

June 20, 2010

Free Willy 3: The Rescue

Even a loving dad can be an EVIL POACHER WHO MUST BE STOPPED.  Meanwhile Willy willies around.

June 27, 2010

Toy Story 3

Master and slaves contemplate life without each other.  Looks like a PS2 game.  Ken steals the show.

July 3, 2010

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time

A simple time travel situation turns Twilight Zone, if The Twilight Zone starred Japanese high schoolers.

July 7, 2010

Rush Hour 3

Pretty much what you'd expect after the first two, but slightly more tired.

July 17, 2010

Kung Fu Hustle

Strange movie.  The action is Matrix meets Looney Tunes.  Starts to get serious sometimes, but it's just tricking you.

July 21, 2010

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

A sort-of-greatest-hits of scenes from the book, but out of necessity it is very chopped and incomplete.

July 22, 2010

Hot Fuzz

Tough cop is transferred to small town; Serious Business ensues.  Really quite good.  Isn't as ridiculous as the advertising suggests, until it is.

August 2, 2010

Speed Racer

Speed Racer meets F-Zero GX meets the Matrix meets 2001's wormhole sequence.  It's not deep, but fun as a Pixy Stix of a movie.

August 8, 2010

Stranger Than Fiction

Blending of fictional boundaries is a topic I enjoy.  This film uses it sweetly, without getting too caught up in the oddness.

August 15, 2010

The Lost Skeleton Returns Again

Not as original as the original, but still plenty of good new fun, and does have interesting premises of its own.  Hard to rate its rewatchability after one watch.

August 21, 2010

Like Mike

Orphan uses magic shoes to cheat his way to riches and happiness.

August 25, 2010

Survival of the Dead

For a Romero film, pretty disappointing.  Too jokey and unpressured.  Us vs Us vs Them is there, but the Us vs Us is too wishily-washily handled to get interesting enough.

September 18, 2010

The Room

Bills itself as a black comedy, but it's more awkward drama with inconsistent characters and bad sex scenes.  But I could listen to Tommy Wiseau talk all day.

September 19, 2010

Dark and Stormy Night

Not just another Lost Skeleton--everything's still awkward and retro, but in a very different way.  It works, though.

September 25, 2010

The Forbidden Kingdom

If The NeverEnding Story and Dragon Ball had a baby, it might be this.  A pretty fun time.

September 30, 2010

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

It's nice to see PG CG that's not full of pop culture references spoken by aging comics, but this fantasy comes pretty generic and feels extremely rushed.

October 2, 2010

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

For such a so-bad-its-funny movie, it's too bad the crazy CG is so spread out and reused over and over and over.  And over.

November 28, 2010

Hot Tub Time Machine

Unfortunately the title is about as clever as the movie gets.

The Happening

It's like The Birds without the birds.  Brings that big unsettling feeling, but not the character relationships as in a, say, Signs.

I Am Legend

A lot of video gamey CG, "running zombie" type silliness, and still strays pretty far from the source material; but on the whole the film works well.  Much better than the ol' Chuck Heston take.

December 4, 2010

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

This is a pretty simple story that they really stretched a bit too much to try and make a 2+ hour epic of it.

December 5, 2010

Prince Caspian

Forget stretching; it feels like half the movie is crazy events from whole cloth to add more conflict between... well, all parties.

December 17, 2010

TRON: Legacy

Hard to peg this one.  Unique, but less than the first.  Tries too hard to hit the high points of the original.  Biggest CG wonder is... Jeff Bridges?  And the whole premise still makes no sense.